Sixteen

Still working on my Thirty Things series (originally posted here), this is 10 things I would tell my 16 year old self. If I only knew these things when I was 16, my life would have been a bit easier!

1.      Keep exercising! You are still in shape from gymnastics and if you keep it up you will be good to go. But if you quit, you will be out of shape in 6 years!

2.      Going on that, please be happy with your body. It is never going to be this awesome ever again. Appreciate it and know that, while it isn’t perfect, it is pretty nice!

3.      Stop worrying that you and Brent won’t end up together, you will. And do whatever it takes to make sure it happens, he is even cuter now then he was at 16 ;)

4.      Focus more on school. It will make your life easier later on!

5.      Stop procrastinating. It is creating some serious problems haha!

6.      Read more, you won’t have time for it in a couple of years. You will also miss it, so read anything you can!

7.      Enjoy not having to worry about things. Life is so easy right now. Enjoy every last second of living at home and working a few hours a week. Life will never be the same!

8.      Life is going to have a million ups and some downs. Remember that the downs will pass and the ups outnumber the downs. Everything gets better with time, and Brent will always be there when you need him.

9.      Cherish all of the time you have with your family. Life is going to get hectic for you, and them, soon you will miss all of the little things. Do as much as you can with them all the time because those will be the best memories.

10.  Stop rushing. Calm down and breathe. Your life is going to be great, but not at all what you thought it would be. Just remember that the hard things will pass and the good things will always come soon enough!

Parents

This is my third post in my thirty things series (which you can read here). In this post I am going to talk about my relationship with my parents. Where to even begin… Both of my parents are amazing; but both in their own, and very different, ways. So I will explain my relationship with each of them separately.

Mom: Honestly, I have no idea what I would do without my mom. She has gotten me through so many things. She is amazingly supportive in everything I do. She is truly my best friend, in so many ways. I wish that everyone could have the relationship I have with my mother because it has been one of the biggest blessings in my life.

Dad: My dad is a tough love kind of person. I love him to pieces though. He has always been very hard on me and expected a lot from me. When I was younger I couldn’t appreciate that but I know now that it was what made me who I am today. Sometimes I feel like he expects me to do everything the way he would do it, but I have learned to let the things he says roll off my back.

My parents are amazing and set an incredible example for my siblings and I. They are both hardworking and great parents. I don’t know what I would do without both of parents. I feel incredibly blessed with the family that I have!

Fear...

This is my post (from my Thirty Things series, found here) about three legitimate fears I have and how they became fears. I have thought about this one a lot, I just don't have a ton of fears. Which is a good thing. Or maybe I am just naive!

1. I am fearful of not being as successful as I want to be. I work extremely hard every day at work and am getting a bachelor’s degree in business administration. Really I should not be fearful of this but you never know what could go wrong!

2. I am afraid of moving away from my family. We are so close and spend so much time together. I feel weird if I don't see them for a week so the thought of having to move away from them makes me sad.

3. I am afraid of losses. After having one miscarriage I just don't know what I will do if I have another. It will just break my heart. Right now I can believe this one was caused by shit luck. But if it happens again I will have to go through testing and other things, the thought just terrifies me!

20 Random Facts About Me

1.      I am half Native-American, but you’d never know by looking at me.

2.      I wish I cared as much about my education as I do about my job.

3.      I was a competitive gymnast for most of my life.

4.      I was a cheerleader in high school, but had no friends!

5.      I started dating my husband when we were 15! (And we only broke up once ever for a very short time!)

6.      I love the Seahawks, but I don’t care about any other sports.

7.      I love candy; I have the biggest sweet tooth ever!

8.      I love volunteering for almost any cause, even though I really have no spare time.

9.      I love reading; I can’t wait until I finish college and have a ton of time to read!

10.  I have cried numerous times while reading, and even more when I have finished a good book.

11.  I broke my elbow when I was 12 and had to have surgery on it twice.

12.  I cry over commercials and music videos.

13.  I used to hate dogs, and then I got one…now I want five.

14.  I still love cats! Especially mine!

15.  I love quotes and bible verses, I think I can find one to make any day better.

16.  I love watching TV more than I should! The Office, How I Met Your Mother, Breaking Bad…anything good, I love it!

17.  This one is a little embarrassing: My husband and I sleep on the floor in our living room… every night. We have two bedrooms and a nice bed! I don’t even know why we do it!

18.  I love everything Harry Potter more than any person my age should!

19.  I laugh at everything, including things that are barely funny. I just love to laugh!

20.  I love to organize things! If it can go in a spreadsheet, it will! If it can be sorted, it is! I may have some OCDish tendencies.

30 Things

I am going to do this fun activity I found on this wonderful ladies blog here. It is thirty different blog posts that will hopefully make it so you can get to know me a little better. I am going to squeeze them in probably when I have nothing else to write about. Which, in case you didn't notice, is all the time! Here is the list; I will link them as I go! I'll start number one tonight as a separate post!


30 Things:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

3. Describe yourrelationship with your parents.

4. List 10 things you wouldtell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

7. What is your dreamjob, and why?

8. What are 5 passions you have?

9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

12. Describe a typical day in your current life.

13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

14. Describe 5 strengths you have.

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?

28. What is your love language?

29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?

30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Late thankfulness...

Ok I am awful at this. I have been so busy, I haven’t been able to sit down and blog. School has been so stressful, I can’t even keep up. And work has been insane because of the holidays. I don’t have a lot of time to write so what I am going to do is recap a bunch of things I am thankful for and call it a wrap for the thankful November!

            I am thankful for our nice car that is reliable, our ghetto apartment ha, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law who are always there to help us, our few friends who are there for us when we need them, my cat who cuddles at the most obnoxious times, and lastly I am thankful for the five short weeks we had with our sweet pea that showed me that more than anything I want to be a mother.

I have so much more to be thankful for but I have to finish my papers and such! Next week is finals and then I will be less overwhelmed after that!

Reminders...

            So today (actually Saturday I just never check my mail) I got a bill for the blood work I had done when I had my miscarriage. I am not going to lie, it stung a lot. It is really upsetting to get bills for costs related to a baby you don’t have. I don’t know how women can do this time after time and not just break down from the heart ache. I have so much respect for women who have gone through this multiple times and over a much longer period of time than me! On a lighter note my husband and I only have to wait about three more weeks before we can start trying again. I am really excited and hoping that it doesn’t take very long to get pregnant again and then hopefully that will be our take home baby J So to continue with the thankfulness:

November 11^th~ I am thankful that my husband and I have all of our necessities. I can’t imagine wondering where my next meal is going to come from. I take so many things for granted on a day to day basis and I wish I would remember to take a second to be thankful for the little things.

November 12^th~ I am so thankful for all of the veterans and also people who are serving this country right now. I honestly do not think there is anyone more selfless than those who would sacrifice their lives to protect people they do not even know. Happy Veterans Day! Hope everyone has a great week!

Random Saturday

So today all I have is my thankfulness and a super yummy not for baking cookie dough recipe (that I found on this blog (warning to anyone off of the TTCAL board she mentions being pregnant)) to share! I know you are super excited for the recipe so I’ll get to it!

November 10^th~ I am thankful for my littlest sister. She is so amazing and has been such a blessing in my life! She is 13 years younger than me but she is still one of my best friends. She is the funniest person ever and is such a joy to be around!

Ok the recipe: p.s. I didn’t put the chocolate chips in because I made this last minute and it was way delicious anyways!

Not For Baking Cookie Dough

3/4 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup butter, softened

1/4 tsp. vanilla

1/4 cup milk

1 cup flour

Pinch salt

1/2 cup chocolate chips

In a medium bowl, mix together the brown sugar and butter until smooth. Stir in vanilla and milk. Mix in the flour, salt, and chocolate chips until well blended. Chill in the refrigerator.

It is so easy and beyond worth it! I kind of wish I never found this because I know I am going to make it all the time now! Hope everyone (as in my, maybe, two readers haha) has a great Sunday!

Seven, Eight, Nine...

I was waiting to post until I had something to write other than just the things I am thankful for but I don't have a lot to write as of now. So here goes my thankfulness:

November 7th~ I am thankful for my older brother. We have certainly had our differences but he is awesome and supportive!

November 8^th~ I am thankful for my littler sister, she is eleven months younger than me and we were always best friends growing up. We have not been as close lately but I always know that I can count on my sister if I ever need anything. And she is the only person I know who will be sincerely happy for you and never jealous. I wish that I could be a lot more like my sister sometimes!

November 9^th~ I am thankful for my younger brother. He is the nicest person ever and he is so loving. He is eleven years younger than me and it has been so amazing watching him grow up and become the amazing little man he is today!

One Day at a Time

Today had been a rough day for me. AF finally showed her face on Sunday. I was excited because that means I am closer to being able to start TTC again. But I called my doctor’s office today because I needed some clarification on how many cycles I needed to wait until I could start TTC again. I was told by one doctor to wait one cycle and another doctor to wait two. I called today and got sad news that I need to wait another cycle, which means I won't be able to start TTC again until December. I am so inpatient and this was just not at all what I wanted to hear. I know I am probably being a little whiny here, but I am just super bummed today.

To add the topping on top of the, great day, cake I log onto Facebook and see yet another pregnancy announcement! Then I have Yahoo as my home page and there are two celebrity pregnancy announcements. SERIOUSLY?! Where do the fertile myrtles come from?! Sometimes it feels like the universe is throwing this in my face. Which I know is absolutely ridiculous, but it still feels this way.

I have been trying to be more positive but it can be so hard. I just feel so ready to be a mom. And my husband and I have so much love to give to a child. I guess I need to work on my ability to be patient. But my husband and I have never ever been good with patience, when we set out sight on something we pretty much just want it right then. So I think that God is really just testing us and trying to teach us to be more patient. But I’d say that nine months (probably more but I am only counting April through December that I know we will have been trying) plus the nine months of carrying that little baby around is more than enough waiting!

 

I actually wrote this yesterday but I was really sad and didn’t feel up to finishing the post. But to continue with my 30 days of thankful:

Day five~ I am thankful that I am able to go to college. It can be so stressful sometimes, and I often forget that it is a blessing and privilege to be able to go to college.

Day six~ I am thankful for my sweet dog. We adopted him from a shelter when he was 7 weeks old and loved him dearly since. He is so sweet and always snuggles up to me, which can make any day better!

Our puppy the day we brought him home :)

 

This is him now, well a couple of months ago :)

 

Day Four

Thankful November~ Today I am thankful for my boss. She is so fantastic. She is really supportive and has helped me develop so much at work! She pushed me to make my job my career and I am so thankful for that! She is moving in a couple of months and I am beyond sad!

Today is one month since my miscarriage. Where as last week I was really feeling better I am not sure how I feel this week. I feel more normal everyday but I just feel really blah right now. I've even been angry these last couple of days, which I hate. I am so sad that I am heading into the holidays without my baby. DH and I were going to tell everyone on thanksgiving, and now I feel like thanksgiving will be a reminder to me. And I was so excited that I would be showing around Christmas! DH and I were going to buy gifts for our sweet pea instead of for each other. Sorry for the sad post today, but that is where I am at right now.

***Blogging from iPhone***

Thankful November...

A fun idea I saw on another girl's blog (I never Said it Would Be Easy) off of The Bump was to post something you are thankful for everyday in November. I thought this was a fun idea and would make me happy for all of the things I do have, and worry less about the things I do not have, yet. So I will be playing catch up today and will be updating, hopefully, each day!

November 1st~ I am thankful for my husband. He is so supportive, funny, hardworking, and loving. I seriously don't know what I would do without him! He is the perfect complement to me. I could go on and on about how amazing he is, but I will assume that you get the point J

November 2~ I am thankful for my parents. They are such hard workers, great parents, and have been so supportive of everything I have ever done. They have also been married for 29 years and have set a great example for myself and my siblings.

November 3~ I am thankful for my job. I love my job and I work with some really awesome people. Also finding a job that allows you to work full time around a school schedule is unusual!

Check back tomorrow for some more thankfulness J

Also I am obsessed with pinterest so if you want to see some cute animal pictures or nice clothes you should follow me Here!

Good Things Come...to Those Who Take Forever in College...

So like my description says I am a full time student. I took the long way and started at a community college and earned an Associate's degree and then transferred to a university, and I am now working towards my Bachelor's. It took me FOREVER to get my Associate’s degree. Like as long as it should have taken me to get a Bachelor’s degree. I know something is wrong me! But guess what I got in the mail today! My diploma! I was super excited because it took forever to earn this stinking' piece of paper. I have five weeks left in this term and then only four more terms until I am done in March of 2014! I know that sounds far away but it also seems like it is going to go by fast. Plus, all of the classes I have left after this term are business classes, no electives, or other unrelated classes! So today, I am happy J

Three weeks later...

So today marks three weeks since I heard the news I had a miscarriage. I woke up this morning feeling great. In fact I feel the best I have felt since I had the miscarriage. I had a week off of work and I think that helped me get a grasp on things and just relax. It seems weird that I feel better, it feels like some switch was flipped last night. These last few weeks I've felt despondent, lost, confused, hurt, angry. You name it, I've felt it. But this morning I woke up and just felt optimistic. I feel like things can only go up from here. I feel like my period is going to start soon...I know that is probably TMI but I am excited about it because that means I am a little closer to being able to start trying again. I don't think that this is to say I am healed. I have still been very emotional and I don't think I am ever going to fully "heal" but maybe I will feel at peace. And I feel as though I am on that path. I hope everyone has a great Sunday! As for me I get to go back to work today. yahoo ;)

Just Going to Brag for a Minute...

Today marks my husband and I’s seventh dating anniversary. Yes I know that doesn’t sound like a crazy long time but it is pretty long considering how old we are! I love my husband so much; he is the perfect complement to me. He always knows how to make me laugh even when I do not want to. He is always calm when I am panicked. And he just always has the right words to say. Plus he is super cute ;) Sorry I just wanted to brag about how wonderful this man is for a minute :)

Things No One Tells You About Having a Miscarriage

My mom had many miscarriages on her journey to five kids, more than anyone should ever have to experience. I had known for a long time that she had this problem and we had spent a lot of time talking about it. In my mind I thought I had prepared myself for the possibility of having a miscarriage, but when it did happen to me I was completely heart broken. These are the things that happened to me that no book, website, or even my mom told me about.

·         The look on your husband’s face when you tell him will be the worst thing you've ever seen. I don't think I have ever seen my husband look so crushed and defeated. It breaks my heart just thinking about it now.

·         You will loathe seeing any pregnant woman. I tried not to be envious but it was impossible. Even worse is when you see a pregnant woman doing something she shouldn't be doing and you can't understand why you lost your baby.

·         Seeing infants and newborns will break your heart as well. My brother-in-law and his wife had a baby recently, before I knew I was pregnant. When I saw her the first time it took all of my will power not to break down crying. Now when I see a newborn or baby at work I literally have to walk away. I miscarried early on but the sight of what could have been gets me every time.

·         You will cry randomly and for any reason. This one only halfway qualifies for this post because I knew I would cry and I would be sad. On the other hand I did not expect to break down when I tried making a cake and it fell apart when I tried taking it out of the pan. And, no, I didn’t just have some tears I had a complete breakdown with the weird breathing and all.

·         If you have other pregnant friends on things like Facebook, try to avoid it. Going on there and seeing people who are pregnant just makes you dislike them and that’s not really fair.

There are so many things I could probably write here but I just don’t know how valid they are for anyone else. It takes a long time to heal and I am only in the baby stages of that process. If anyone else has something that they experienced please leave it in the comments for others to read. Knowing that you are not the only one experiencing something makes it a little bit easier!

 

 

Let's Begin

I’ve never blogged before so bear with me…

This post is going to be pretty jumbled. I just want to tell you a little about myself and pretty much explain why I am starting this blog.

I live in Oregon, super exciting. I am studying business administration at a university here. I am in the middle of my junior year and it is taking way more than four years to finish this Bachelor’s degree haha. I work full time as a supervisor at a department store. I love what I do, but I probably bit off more than I could chew when I took on the supervisor role. It has been super stressful considering I am already going to school full time. My husband and I have been together for seven years but only married for a little over one year. Yes we waited forever to get married but we like to do things on our own time haha. We have the most adorable dog ever that is just over a year old. (Who as I am typing this just chewed up his bone all over our bed…lovely haha.)

I am starting this blog because I have been thinking about it forever but never acted on it. I have had the worst year of my life so far. Not to whine or anything but yes I am whining. In February my mom, sister, husband, and I were in a really awful and scary car crash. I somehow got out of the car right away and was able to get my little sister out but my husband and mom were stuck in the car for nearly an hour. It was one of the worst experiences of my entire life. My husband had a bunch of fun injuries and missed nearly a month of work. Then when we thought he was better we found out that he had also torn his ACL and meniscus and PCL which led to surgery and him missing three more months of work. I know we are not the only people who have struggled but holy cow missing four months of work really sets you back. So since then life has been super rough.

Finally we were getting back on our feet and it felt super awesome. So here goes the super awesome fun part of the year. My husband and I have wanted kids forever. So in March I stopped taking my birth control because I had researched and found that it usually takes three months to a year to wear off. We were never trying super hard but we were definitely hoping sooner rather than later in this situation. In September I was ridiculously tired, even more ridiculously hungry, and then I did not get my period so I took a pregnancy test and low and behold I was pregnant. I literally ran out of the bathroom to tell my husband. I don’t even think he knew what I was saying. His exact response was “You’re pregnant?” and then he just hugged me forever and then he put me down, looked at the test and was like “Are you sure that means you are pregnant?” So we eventually calmed down. The next day we went to the store and bought three pregnancy books because we did not know what the heck we were going to do haha. In retrospect we may have been a bit panicked. We were so excited just thinking of how amazing it was going to be to have our own little family. But then when I was just over five weeks along I noticed I was spotting, which eventually led to me having a miscarriage. I was not very far along but any woman who has ever been pregnant knows that you get attached to the baby growing inside of you pretty much the second you find out you are pregnant. So this leads me to now and starting this blog. That is the majorly condensed story of my miscarriage but as time goes on I will get into all of the super awesome break downs that followed.

That is where I am at right now. Maybe no one will ever read this, I’m ok with that. But if anybody reads this and can relate that will be good too! Feel free to leave comments or feedback!