Good Things Come...to Those Who Take Forever in College...

So like my description says I am a full time student. I took the long way and started at a community college and earned an Associate's degree and then transferred to a university, and I am now working towards my Bachelor's. It took me FOREVER to get my Associate’s degree. Like as long as it should have taken me to get a Bachelor’s degree. I know something is wrong me! But guess what I got in the mail today! My diploma! I was super excited because it took forever to earn this stinking' piece of paper. I have five weeks left in this term and then only four more terms until I am done in March of 2014! I know that sounds far away but it also seems like it is going to go by fast. Plus, all of the classes I have left after this term are business classes, no electives, or other unrelated classes! So today, I am happy J

Three weeks later...

So today marks three weeks since I heard the news I had a miscarriage. I woke up this morning feeling great. In fact I feel the best I have felt since I had the miscarriage. I had a week off of work and I think that helped me get a grasp on things and just relax. It seems weird that I feel better, it feels like some switch was flipped last night. These last few weeks I've felt despondent, lost, confused, hurt, angry. You name it, I've felt it. But this morning I woke up and just felt optimistic. I feel like things can only go up from here. I feel like my period is going to start soon...I know that is probably TMI but I am excited about it because that means I am a little closer to being able to start trying again. I don't think that this is to say I am healed. I have still been very emotional and I don't think I am ever going to fully "heal" but maybe I will feel at peace. And I feel as though I am on that path. I hope everyone has a great Sunday! As for me I get to go back to work today. yahoo ;)

Just Going to Brag for a Minute...

Today marks my husband and I’s seventh dating anniversary. Yes I know that doesn’t sound like a crazy long time but it is pretty long considering how old we are! I love my husband so much; he is the perfect complement to me. He always knows how to make me laugh even when I do not want to. He is always calm when I am panicked. And he just always has the right words to say. Plus he is super cute ;) Sorry I just wanted to brag about how wonderful this man is for a minute :)

Things No One Tells You About Having a Miscarriage

My mom had many miscarriages on her journey to five kids, more than anyone should ever have to experience. I had known for a long time that she had this problem and we had spent a lot of time talking about it. In my mind I thought I had prepared myself for the possibility of having a miscarriage, but when it did happen to me I was completely heart broken. These are the things that happened to me that no book, website, or even my mom told me about.

·         The look on your husband’s face when you tell him will be the worst thing you've ever seen. I don't think I have ever seen my husband look so crushed and defeated. It breaks my heart just thinking about it now.

·         You will loathe seeing any pregnant woman. I tried not to be envious but it was impossible. Even worse is when you see a pregnant woman doing something she shouldn't be doing and you can't understand why you lost your baby.

·         Seeing infants and newborns will break your heart as well. My brother-in-law and his wife had a baby recently, before I knew I was pregnant. When I saw her the first time it took all of my will power not to break down crying. Now when I see a newborn or baby at work I literally have to walk away. I miscarried early on but the sight of what could have been gets me every time.

·         You will cry randomly and for any reason. This one only halfway qualifies for this post because I knew I would cry and I would be sad. On the other hand I did not expect to break down when I tried making a cake and it fell apart when I tried taking it out of the pan. And, no, I didn’t just have some tears I had a complete breakdown with the weird breathing and all.

·         If you have other pregnant friends on things like Facebook, try to avoid it. Going on there and seeing people who are pregnant just makes you dislike them and that’s not really fair.

There are so many things I could probably write here but I just don’t know how valid they are for anyone else. It takes a long time to heal and I am only in the baby stages of that process. If anyone else has something that they experienced please leave it in the comments for others to read. Knowing that you are not the only one experiencing something makes it a little bit easier!

 

 

Let's Begin

I’ve never blogged before so bear with me…

This post is going to be pretty jumbled. I just want to tell you a little about myself and pretty much explain why I am starting this blog.

I live in Oregon, super exciting. I am studying business administration at a university here. I am in the middle of my junior year and it is taking way more than four years to finish this Bachelor’s degree haha. I work full time as a supervisor at a department store. I love what I do, but I probably bit off more than I could chew when I took on the supervisor role. It has been super stressful considering I am already going to school full time. My husband and I have been together for seven years but only married for a little over one year. Yes we waited forever to get married but we like to do things on our own time haha. We have the most adorable dog ever that is just over a year old. (Who as I am typing this just chewed up his bone all over our bed…lovely haha.)

I am starting this blog because I have been thinking about it forever but never acted on it. I have had the worst year of my life so far. Not to whine or anything but yes I am whining. In February my mom, sister, husband, and I were in a really awful and scary car crash. I somehow got out of the car right away and was able to get my little sister out but my husband and mom were stuck in the car for nearly an hour. It was one of the worst experiences of my entire life. My husband had a bunch of fun injuries and missed nearly a month of work. Then when we thought he was better we found out that he had also torn his ACL and meniscus and PCL which led to surgery and him missing three more months of work. I know we are not the only people who have struggled but holy cow missing four months of work really sets you back. So since then life has been super rough.

Finally we were getting back on our feet and it felt super awesome. So here goes the super awesome fun part of the year. My husband and I have wanted kids forever. So in March I stopped taking my birth control because I had researched and found that it usually takes three months to a year to wear off. We were never trying super hard but we were definitely hoping sooner rather than later in this situation. In September I was ridiculously tired, even more ridiculously hungry, and then I did not get my period so I took a pregnancy test and low and behold I was pregnant. I literally ran out of the bathroom to tell my husband. I don’t even think he knew what I was saying. His exact response was “You’re pregnant?” and then he just hugged me forever and then he put me down, looked at the test and was like “Are you sure that means you are pregnant?” So we eventually calmed down. The next day we went to the store and bought three pregnancy books because we did not know what the heck we were going to do haha. In retrospect we may have been a bit panicked. We were so excited just thinking of how amazing it was going to be to have our own little family. But then when I was just over five weeks along I noticed I was spotting, which eventually led to me having a miscarriage. I was not very far along but any woman who has ever been pregnant knows that you get attached to the baby growing inside of you pretty much the second you find out you are pregnant. So this leads me to now and starting this blog. That is the majorly condensed story of my miscarriage but as time goes on I will get into all of the super awesome break downs that followed.

That is where I am at right now. Maybe no one will ever read this, I’m ok with that. But if anybody reads this and can relate that will be good too! Feel free to leave comments or feedback!