The Extremely Late Birth Story of Payton Xander

Well I suppose seems how Payton is two months old today I should post his birth story haha! I suck at this. But I want to put it out there anyways because I want to be able to remember it!

Short & Sweet version:

Payton Xander was born via “emergency” C-section at 6:55PM on October 2^nd. He weighed 7lbs 12oz and was 21.25 inches long.

The incredibly long and detailed TMI version:

            It all started on October 1^st, my actual due date! I was supposed to work until 11:30PM but I was at work and just felt awful so I went home after only being there for about three hours. I felt terrible too because someone else had already not showed up for work that day! I got home and Brent and I made dinner and rented “This is the End”. I was so tired though and we went to bed around 10:30.

I woke up at 12:24AM to go pee but when I stood up it felt like I peed a little bit, I ran to the bathroom really quick because I thought I was losing control of my bladder control haha, the things you have to worry about when you are pregnant! I made it to the toilet but when I stood back up I felt more leak and instantly sat back down and it felt like I peed all over again. I was sort of in denial that this was it but I also kind of knew. I went and got back into bed and waited to see if I felt anymore before waking up Brent. I stood back up and felt a little bit more and so I woke up Brent and told him that I was pretty sure my water broke. He thought I meant that it broke on the bed and grabbed his phone and started looking all over. It took me a minute to realize what he was doing and told him it wasn’t on the bed! Haha!

I called the on call doctor but he wasn’t available so I left a message. They said to call back in 20 minutes if I hadn’t heard back. I decided to get up and take a shower. When I got out I called again because it had been more than 20 minutes. He still wasn’t available so they said to call back again in 20 minutes. Right before I was going to call back he called back, turns out he was delivering another baby ha! He told me to come on in because it definitely sounded like my water had broken.

Brent took a shower and we got all of our things into the car. We also had to go drop off our dog to Brent’s brother’s house. When we got there we went to unlock the door only to realize the dead bolt was also locked. So we tried calling Brent’s brother, SIL, and his mom who were all obviously dead asleep so we had to keep calling, no ringing the doorbell because they have a one year old. I’m sure it was only five minutes but I was already having contractions and my HUGE poise pad, yes you read that right Poise, was already soaking through, so it felt like twenty minutes. By this point they had all woken up and they were very excited. Brent’s mom was going to be in the room with us so she asked if she should leave right now or wait. Poor Brent wanted it to be just us for a while so he said to wait but I think we were only at the hospital by ourselves for about an hour. 

So we finally get to the family birthing center, which is just what they call labor and delivery here, around 2:30 or 3. When the nurse came to take us to the room to make sure I was actually in labor she saw that I had leaked through my pants and decided that step was unnecessary, thank goodness because I felt gross! We got all checked into our room and we were so excited. Honestly I thought I would be meeting my little guy by noon....If only haha!

I was having what felt like pretty consistent contractions but they weren’t horribly painful, it felt like really horrible cramps. I tried to lie down and get some rest but I was way too excited. By about 4:30 the contractions were super painful. I thought for sure things were moving along. But no, they were not I was only about 4 cm dilated (not impressive when I was 3cm when I checked in). I wasn’t discouraged yet though!

Around 8:30 labor was kicking my ass. My contractions were long and painful. Brent was amazing though and kept reminding me to breathe deep and helped me get through the contractions. There was really nothing that helped make them feel better, but swaying back and forth at least gave me something else to focus on. They had gotten so strong at this point that I remember looking at Brent and saying “It feels like I am going to throw up” but I didn’t actually think I would. Luckily the nurse knew better and grabbed a barf bag because I threw up hard.

            Once the contractions got that bad I really lost all sense of time. I was so exhausted already by around 10am and they checked me and I was only like 6 cm. I was starting to feel a little defeated and I asked for a dose of fentanyl because I needed to sleep. I don’t think fentanyl works so well because it makes your contractions hurt less it just makes you so groggy that you can fall asleep in between them. So for roughly an hour I layed in bed and went through super groggy contractions where I basically withered in pain because I was too out of it to do anything else. I felt a lot better after though because I did get a smidgen of rest.

            I think I stopped counting after I had puked about 8 different times. Puking has never bothered me and it actually helped me during my contractions because I couldn’t think about the contractions. Around 2PM they thought for sure I had to have made some progress and they checked me but I was about 7cm. I decided to get another dose of fentanyl because I was so, so tired. The contractions were so bad at this point that the fentanyl hardly did anything. Once it wore off I was barely making it through my contractions. I had cried and told Brent I couldn’t do it, more than once! But Brent kept helping me through.

            Around 4 or so my doctor checked me and I was 9cm, I was feeling like it was almost over! But then around 5:00 she came back because she thought I must be close, but I was still only 9cm. I literally just said “F**k” when she told me and she said “Yeah, that’s just not fair”. She asked me if I wanted an epidural and I said no. I am not sure when but it was shortly after, she came back in and told me that my blood pressure was getting really high and the baby’s heart rate was dropping with  each contraction, she suggested I get the epidural because she thought if I was able to relax it would help with his heart rate. I immediately agreed to get one even though I had wanted to avoid it. All I could think about was his little heart struggling.

            The guy came in and placed the epidural at 5:30, I was in the middle of a contraction and focusing so hard on that and not moving, that I barely even remember him placing it. He said “wow you are doing really well” and I was like well I’m not going to squirm around. And honestly I had no energy to at this point. They then put in some sort of internal monitor that could better sense the contractions because my doctor was worried about me not progressing past the 9cm. I seriously felt so much better after the epidural. Just knowing I didn’t have to feel the contractions anymore was a huge relief.

            Around 6 my doctor came in and she did not look like she had good news. She said “I know that you wanted to do this natural, and this is not what you wanted, but I really think a C-section might be what’s best right now.” I almost instantly started to cry. She told me that the epidural had only helped with his heart rate for a few minutes and it was starting to drop again. And once they put the internal monitor in they found that he had passed meconium. I had already been in labor for 18 hours and she didn’t think that it was going to be over soon. She said that if I were to continue with a vaginal birth I would probably have a tired baby. And then she continued to explain that she didn’t mean he would be sleepy, he would be what they consider sick and probably have to go to NICU, on top of that if he aspirated the meconium he could get asthma or have troubles breathing. The doctor and nurse left the room to let Brent and I discuss it.

            I didn’t want a C-section and I was terrified, but even more so I didn’t want my baby to be sick or spend the first week of his life in the NICU all alone. The nurse came back in and I asked her how long I would have to wait for a C-section, thinking that maybe somehow if it was going to be two hours he might come on his own. But she said I would get prepped and head back in about 15 minutes. I told them that we would do the C-section; I just couldn’t risk the safety of my little guy.

            So when I first got the epidural I was really happy that I could still move my legs because that was one of my main concerns with getting one. I had really good control but couldn’t feel the contractions. But when I had to get the C-section they had to put in more drugs so that I couldn’t feel it. It got stronger slowly which I thought would happen but then it kept getting further and further up my body. By the time I was in the OR I could feel my arms starting to go numb. Once Brent came into the OR I couldn’t have cared less and I was just excited to finally meet our son.

            They started the surgery and Brent was telling me everything they were doing. I was so tired and groggy that I am surprised I didn’t fall asleep. It turns out that Payton was “sunny side up” and his chin was lifted. This is why my super painful contractions were not efficient. It also explains the excruciating back labor. The anesthesiologist asked if I wanted them to pull down the screen when they pulled him out so I could see. I obviously said yes! I could still barely see though and they whisked him right away because of the meconium. I heard his cry within seconds and instantly got teary eyed myself. Brent was over helping to cut the cord and he looked over at me and said “He’s perfect.” 

Brent finally brought Payton over to me and I was so in love. I don’t even know how to explain the feeling that I had when I first saw him. It’s overwhelming and when I look at him now I still get the same feeling. It took a while for them to stitch me up but they let Brent and Payton stay with me most of the time. They left right before they put me back onto my normal bed.

I was wheeled back into my room and Payton and I were finally able to do skin-to-skin. He latched on really easy and the nurses were really impressed with him. I was still so out of it and my spinal had worked its way all the way up to my arms and I could barely move them. I couldn’t feel Payton nursing at all. I was just so relieved he was here and he was so healthy. We got him to nurse and spent over an hour with him and then all of our family finally came in to meet him.

It was really wonderful having everyone there to meet him and everyone knew how tired I was so they didn’t hang out for too long. Once everyone met him and loved on him they left and Brent handed Payton back to me and I looked down at him and I just cried. After everything we went through I just couldn’t believe that this perfect little boy was here and he was mine. I’ll never forget that feeling ever.

So there you have it, my long and detailed story of how Payton Xander made his difficult way into this world! And a picture of him in the hospital the day after he was born and then four days later on the day he came home!

 

                                                                                                                                    

Seven: Dream Job

This is post seven from the 30 things series (here).

What is my dream job, and why?

This is an easy one for me. I would love to be a high school business teacher. I have always wanted to be a teacher. I just love teaching people pretty much anything. I also love business and since I was in high school knew I was going to go to school for business. I just think I would love teaching about business. It would also be nice to have such a set schedule. I remember my high school business teacher and he was one of my favorite teachers and made the classes so fun, which may be why I always liked it so much!

30 Things: Six

Way back when I started the 30 Things (here) but never kept up with it. I am now going to try to finish it before Mr. Payton gets here sometime in the next two months or so. I only got through number five…How sad!

So here is number six: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced.

I know that many of you probably already know what my answer to that is. On October 6^th, 2012 I went to the pumpkin patch with my family. I was just a couple weeks into my pregnancy and my husband and I were both so excited. I was feeling a little bit crampy but I knew that could be normal, as there was a lot of stuff changing in there already. I started getting nervous though but didn’t say anything to anyone because I really wasn’t sure. I went to the bathroom when we were at the pumpkin patch and was really nervous, but was relieved when there was no spotting or bleeding. We spent quite a while at the pumpkin patch picking out pumpkins and doing other activities. We then headed home, it was about a 40 minute ride and Brent and I were talking about names for the baby.

After being home for a bit I had to go bathroom again and that’s when I saw the blood. I knew it was over. I tried to hold myself together but I couldn’t stop from crying. I was already so excited and in an instant all of our hopes were crushed. It sounds weird, but after watching my mother suffer through so many miscarriages I always had a feeling I would have one, or many. Yet here I was, completely unprepared, lost, and heartbroken.

When I walked out of the bathroom you must have been able to tell I was crying because my mom instantly came over and hugged me and she just knew. My husband came over and he hugged me and we went outside to talk. I remember telling him I was sorry and he told me to stop, that I had nothing to be sorry about. But I still, even now, feel like I let him down.

The emotions of the actual miscarriage were so painful, but the months after were just as hard. I was angry and desperate to be pregnant again. Brent and I were closer than ever, but at the same time the stress of trying to get pregnant was a lot. We had never actually tried before; we were really just going with the “whatever happens happens” mentality. But after the miscarriage I wanted to have a child so desperately. So here I was every morning taking my temperature, and timing sex, and not doing this or doing that.

It was really a low point as I dealt with the emotions and trying to get pregnant at the same time. Looking back now I should have waited longer to try again because I was a mess. Brent and I think of when we actually got pregnant with Payton and it was not a good time for us, and I wish it had been. But I know I am not alone in this, as I have “met” so many other women who have gone through the same thing.

What was the hardest thing I have been through turned into the best thing that I have which is Payton. And I feel so blessed, and I love Payton so much already. But sometimes I still feel guilty because I don’t think about our Sweet Pea as much anymore. But I haven’t forgotten; I just can’t live with that pain every day. It’s not fair feeling that if I had kept my Sweet Pea I wouldn’t have Payton, I hate feeling like one trumps the other. And sometimes I still ugly cry over losing our Sweet Pea. And I will never take for granted how incredibly fortunate I am to have Payton. Every time he kicks or rolls or has the hiccups I think of how incredibly blessed I am to have this gift.  But I will always miss my Sweet Pea.

30 Weeks!

I am 30 weeks already! Time has seriously been flying by, and while I am beyond excited to meet our little guy, I need it time to chill out just a bit! I still have so much to do! And things have just been hectic!

So I thought it was a good idea to take a full term for summer because I can finish my degree in March instead of July that way, but it has really just been super crazy now. I have to keep reminding myself that this will be worth it in the end.

Payton gave us a good scare last week that landed me in labor and delivery being monitored. I was at work and kept having Braxton Hicks contractions. I ignored them the entire day because I wasn’t timing them but I could tell it was no more than two or three an hour. I got off work and drove up to the college to take a test. Let me tell you, it is not easy to focus on a test while thinking about how many contractions you have had since you got there. I finished the test and was walking back to my car when I got a contraction that stopped me because it was the strongest one I’d had so far. I decided I better call the nurse just in case. She told me rest and drink lots of water. I swear that if I drink anymore water I am going to have to just stay on the toilet 24/7. So I went home and, although I had a few more, things did seem to settle down.

 Then I had to work early the next day and I got to work and my lower back was super achy and it felt like I was having period-like cramps. I tried taking it really easy but it didn’t go away and I continued having lots of Braxton hicks which were now at least three times an hour but got up to 4. I called the nurse again, feeling really silly and like a worry wart. She asked me a bunch of questions and then said “ok I am going to call over to the family birthing center (which is labor and delivery in my town) and let them know you are coming in to get checked”.  Cue my panic. I called my husband and told him I would be home soon and get ready to go because I had to go be monitored.

We got to the family birthing center and they were really nice. They put me in a very small room and strapped me up to a fetal heart monitor and the monitor to track contractions. Sure enough I was having even more contractions than what I was noticing. They ran a few tests to check for things like bladder infections, checked to make sure I wasn’t dilating, and did a swap to make sure I wasn’t in danger of delivering within the next two weeks. Everything looked good and by the time all those tests were done the contractions were slowing down. They kept me there for a while to make sure nothing else happened but by this point it was pretty clear all was well.

So I was sent home and told to chill out at work because I likely over worked myself. So now I am being more careful at work and making sure that I am drinking tons of water. I need this little man to stay in there for at least 7 more weeks! The worst part is that now my doctor is all worried and said I need to keep a close eye on the contractions because I am supposed to go to a work meeting in two weeks that is three hours out of town and requires an overnight trip. Hopefully things stay mellow until I get back!

Well that got awfully long! I hope that I can start doing some more blog posts because there is really so much to write about when you are pregnant! I want to write about my birth plan, the hospital bag, and all sorts of other things.

Oh and we are moving next week too! I found an awesome little place that we both love so once we get moved in I have to set up Payton’s nursery pronto and get all of his things organized!

And here is a picture of Brent and I (and our pup) on our two year anniversary which was on the 16^th. I am getting huge!

 

Third Trimester

Holy cow! I am officially the worst blogger EVER! Life has been so crazy!

We saw our handsome little son today! He looks perfect. But he is a big dude and was already measuring 2lb 11oz, yikes! They had to re-check his kidneys because they were a little enlarged at our anatomy scan. They are still a little big, but my amniotic fluid levels were good and his bladder was full so they said they were working just fine.

I took my gestational diabetes test on Friday. I'm not sure who came up with that drink, but it was clearly a male who would never be faced with the challenge of being six months pregnant and drinking it! Some people say it's not so bad, and maybe I am a baby, but I almost puked just trying to get it down. I told my husband that I would rather chug vodka...I'm not at all dramatic.  But my husband is so wonderful and he went and bought me a Hydro Flask, seriously if you have never heard of these check them out here! Even more neat, the company started in my hometown. They are a little pricey for a water bottle, but I promise they are worth it! Anyways, I passed my test and I was so relieved because saying I have a sweet tooth may be the world's biggest understatement.

So I am in the third trimester and on the homestretch. I have never felt more blessed. Every time I feel Payton move I smile because I know how lucky I am to have this tiny life growing inside of me. At first I thought there was no way I was pregnant at first, it was just too good to be true. And then I thought that I was having another miscarriage, but we have a little fighter. I cannot wait to meet my handsome son!

Here is me yesterday at 27 weeks and 1 day

 



 And here is our perfect little guy!

Gender Reveal

So this happened last night! I of course got way too excited while cutting the cake when I noticed blue frosting on the knife and couldn't even finish cutting it. Brent didn't trust me though and he finished cutting it and it was still blue haha. We are both so excited to be having a boy! Brent loves sports more than anyone I know and has been dreaming of a boy all along. I on the other hand didn't care but was pretty convinced this entire time that we were having a girl. We cannot wait to meet you Payton Xander!

Passing Along the Candle

I have a very dear member of the loss community that I would like to make a prayer request for. She found out a couple of weeks ago that her sweet boy she was carrying had trisomy 13 which she later found out meant that her baby boy had abnormalities that were incompatible with life. Her and her husband sent their baby boy to Heaven yesterday. If you can spare any thoughts and prayers for her and her family I know she could use them.

The Walking Dead

I love the show The Walking Dead. It took some convincing from my wonderful husband to finally watch it (this was me “Zombies are soooo stooopid, why is everyone obsessed with all of that lame zombie stuff?”) Then I watched ONE episode and I haven’t stopped since. Wonderful zombie shows aside though, I think I am becoming a zombie. Last week was dead week and then this week is finals. I have four finals (that I should be studying for right now!) and then I have one glorious week off from both work and school. Can anyone blame me for being exhausted? I am pregnant, working full time, and going to school full time…Every time I say that I realize that I have lost my mind! What in the world was I thinking getting pregnant before finishing school? And then I look at my ultrasound picture with my sweet little baby in there who was bouncing away and then I remember why I did this! But I am probably still crazy! So wish me luck that I can make it through this week with my mind still intact!

I'm Alive and Baby and I are Both Well!

I went on hiatus after getting my positive pregnancy test. I've just been too scared to talk about it, as though I might jinx it. But on Wednesday we had an ultrasound and everything was perfect. We saw the heartbeat flickering away and baby was wiggling around like crazy! I feel pretty confident that this is going to be our take home rainbow baby. I am ten weeks, I'll be elven weeks on Sunday. And I will start doing much better about updating! And here is a pic of our little prune (that's how big it is this week!)

This is Real and Not to Good to Be True!

I got my beta results back and they were good! They more than doubled in a little less than 48 hours! I feel so blessed. This is so amazing to me. We have our first ultrasound on Valentine’s Day! I will be praying that everything keeps going this great! I am seriously freaking out right now because this is all going so amazing!

Too Good To Be True?

I called my doctor’s office today, praying that I could get in and have my betas done. The nurse asked if I had gotten a positive home pregnancy test yet to which I told her “yes”. But in my head I was all “Only three of them, no big deal”. And she asked when I was supposed to get my period and I told her “today” but in my head I was saying “Yeah that ugly biotch did not show up this morning”. And so she said I could come in today and get my betas done and then do the repeat test on Wednesday. So at three today I got a voicemail and my first beta was at 587, which is way higher than I thought it would be! So while it is high, I really have to wait until Wednesday to get my results. I need this number to double so I will be hoping and praying that we get good news on Wednesday! Please keep your fingers crossed for me!

Is This Real Life?!

I am still in complete and utter shock! But also bliss. This morning my temp dropped but not anywhere near my cover line temp. So with some encouragement from my TTCAL ladies I tested and low and behold there was a very bold positive. I was in shock and trying not to freak out too much as it was 5am and I didn’t want to wake anyone up ha. I went and laid back down but, naturally, could not fall back asleep. At 6am I had to go bathroom again and so I took another test, thinking, surly the first one was wrong. But there it was another positive! I could have died. But instead I went and laid down, eventually fell back asleep, and then woke up in a panic that it was all a dream. Nope it was not! So this is real, this is happening to me. I am due September 29^th, 2013.

Anxious, hopeful, and slightly crazy

Somehow, my temp has not dropped this cycle. I am 11 DPO and this morning I took my temp expecting a drop. But no, there it was a lovely 97.66°, which for me is high! So here I sit, trying not to get excited and waiting for the, impending, drop tomorrow. But for today I am hopeful that maybe my temp won’t drop. I am trying not to read into every little sign and crediting anything I do feel to PMS. But please, oh please, oh please do not be PMS!

So this is my lovely TTCAL brain being crazy. I swear I was never this crazy before. But now here I am trying to stay as busy as possible, just so that I don’t start peeing on things. TMI? Probably, but this is what I have been reduced to haha!

Anyways I will check back in tomorrow with a temp drop or a test result. Fingers crossed!

Happiness

Continuing with my 30Things Series here is number five: What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

 

I love this post because, frankly, sometimes it is so hard to think of even five things that are making me happy right at a single moment in time. But I need to stop being negative and appreciate what I have. So here it goes!

 

1.      My husband, naturally. He always knows how to make me feel better. I swear I can be on the verge of a mental breakdown and all it takes is a few words from him and I feel so much better. I can't even begin to explain how wonderful he is, you'll just have to trust me ;)

2.      My dog. He is the happiest, cutest dog ever. And I know he can tell how I feel because when I am in a good mood he is very playful but when I am in a not so great place he just lays down and snuggles me. Does it get any better than dog snuggles?

3.      The future. I have so many things to look forward to. I sometimes lose sight of what is to come because I get so caught up in the past or the burdens I am currently facing. But I know that soon I will have all of the great things that I have worked so hard for.

4.      My job. I am so thankful for my job. Not everyone has a job that they enjoy as much as I do. Plus it puts the roof over my head, the food on our table, and clothes on our back, so who could complain?

5.      The TTCAL board on The Bump. Seriously, the ladies here are amazing. I don’t know how else I would be getting through this entire journey. No one else understands the emotions and heartaches the way that they do. I am so grateful for them!

To A New Year

Happy New Years!!! (A few days late)

I am not a huge fan of New Year’s Resolutions but I have felt so out of control in my life lately that I want to make a few resolutions for things that I can control!

I already feel as though this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders with the New Year. What better time to start being optimistic and make this year as great as I can?

 I will totally admit that with all of the craziness I went through last year I gave up in ummm….March? I was pretty much out of energy and little did I know that was only the tip of the ice berg!

So this year I am going to start off as great as possible and control what I can! So here are my three New Year’s Resolutions:

1.      Focus more on school. I put so much effort into my work, but I do not put the same amount of effort into my classes. I only have four terms until I graduate, three of which are this year. So I am going to put the same amount of effort into my school work as I do my job.

2.      Kick butt with my internship this summer. If it goes well they will offer me a job in August, which will be amazing! I did an internship with the same company last summer and they asked me to come back again this summer so I really hope that is a good sign. I am going to do my absolute best and hope for the rest to fall into place!

3.      Exercise more! I am not going to say that I will exercise “X” times a week because, frankly, I know that won’t happen. I just want to exercise on a more regular basis. It makes me feel so much better and I know that I need to do it anyways!

I hope that this year is better, and I have a feeling it will be! I hope that everyone else has a great year as well!